OUR JOURNEY: Call It Authenticity

AUTHENTICITY..what does it truly mean and how do you live it out? That's a question I've asked myself a lot lately. Much of which I am about to share with you is not known by many. Nevertheless, I feel drawn by God to share it now. Not because there is any need for me or my family to receive sympathy or empathy from anyone. Instead, because God has made me realize others are also upon a journey - a life detour, if you will. Perhaps not the same journey as our own, but a journey of enlightenment none the less. So I write this with the understanding God will use my words and feelings to touch others and inspire them to reach new heights and gain a deeper understanding for the true meaning of life. 

"Do You Trust Me, Maria?"

That was the question God asked me more than 2 years ago. It wasn't the first time He asked that question in my lifetime. But it was at a time when I was experiencing trials in every area of my life. I refer to it as my Job year. If you're not familiar with the story of Job, he was a child of God who was truly blessed in every way. But Satan came to God and said "Let me test him to determine his true faith in You". God agreed, but told Satan the one thing He would not allow was for Job to be killed. Job entered a period where everything that was at peace was turned upside down. He lost everything of true meaning to him - his children, livelihood, even his health. His wife told him it would have been better if God never created him. Job was at the bottom of bottoms. He had no more to give to life or to anyone around him. This could easily have been the end of his story. But not for Job, he leaned on his faith in God and cried out "I will love you and serve you even in the darkest of my hours". That is the exact response God knew Job would cry out and it was that cry that ushered in God's divine plan for Job's life. 

My Job year (2016) was filled with so much pain and utter chaos I didn't know what to do with it all. I had nearly a year of unexplained health issues that ultimately led to kidney failure, career obligations that required 50-60 hour work weeks at a time when I was physically at my weakest, and heart wrenching betrayals by individuals I trusted and held dear to my heart. It felt like the world was screaming at me day and night and it wouldn't stop. Much like Job, I fell apart - for a moment - and then I rose again. 

"How Much Do You Trust Me?"

Now that was a question God had never asked me before. Yet, He asked it again and again during my Job year and the year after (2017) so I finally said to a close friend "I think God is about to bring an enormous trial into my life. One like I've never experienced before." A trial that based upon my reactions would either strengthen or destroy me. 

Then it came....I was unemployed for the first time in my life, my husband was diagnosed with throat cancer, and many other critical health issues arose for members of our family who we love and adore. It left me asking God "What's happening? Why so many trials in such a short period of time? Don't You love us? Aren't You there?". Most people would see this as a continuation of my Job year but it most definitely was not. At this point, God had begun to reveal the true meaning of my life detour. "Maria, I need you to see Me in ways you have never thought to see Me. I need you to hear My voice and see the movement of My hand in the smallest of things around you". 

No...I didn't magically wake up one morning and say I get it. I'll let go of everything, both small and great, and trust God totally and without question. Instead, it's been a daily journey where some days I take enormous steps forward and other days I cry out to God "Help me to understand what you want of me so I can do it". 

Living under God's grace means not beating yourself up when you get it wrong - that's why Jesus died on a cross so you wouldn't pay for your sins. So many of us, myself included, hold ourselves prisoner to the mistakes of our present or past. But God doesn't. He knows the covenant He designed for us. Where we rise and fall in our daily actions but are covered in forgiveness through the blood of Jesus Christ. He gets it...we are human and therefore we make mistakes. His desire is that we rise up and say "I got it wrong, or I'm lost, or I hurt because of what's happened to me" which allows Him to cover us in a blanket of understanding, peace, and love. But most importantly, GRACE. 

I'm In Control, Said God

Giving control  to someone else, such as a God we've never physically seen, can be uncomfortable and unnerving. It forces us to decide if we truly are willing to let go of ever area of our lives in order to trust that God not only exists but that He will guide ALL things as He has intended them to be. The trials before Eddie and I may have caught us by surprise, but they most definitely did not catch God by surprise. He knew He would allow them to enter our life so we would grow stronger in our understanding of Him and the destiny He designed for each of us. 

Blessings In The Darkness

Although each day Eddie and I face is different, God reveals Himself in small or great ways. He reveals the blessings of His love even if for the moment we are traveling through the valley of darkness. Some days are harder than others. Especially, when you look into the eyes of the man you love and you see the toll cancer is taking upon him. The once active man is now moving slow and his face doesn't have the glow it use to. But this too, as with all trials in our lives, will last but a moment. Until it passes, we will love each day for the moments of grace we experience, for the lessons learned on this journey, and for the acceptance of grace that allows us to realize not every day will be a good day but if we try we can still find something good in every day. 

To God be the glory for the journey we are upon and the many ways it will make us wiser, stronger, and more humble of heart. I pray this message will reach those of you God has said "This is for them!!!". 

BLUE EYES: You Captured My Heart

A love letter to the man who captured my heart as he celebrates his 54th bithday...

Eddie: 

What was I to do when your blue eyes danced with happiness as they stared into mine? How could I not fall in love with a man who somehow instinctively knew how to met my needs without the utterance of a single word. You and I laugh at how opposite we are and yet we realize it is our differences that make us perfectly suited for one another. 

You shelter me during life's storms with your strength of spirit and tenderness of heart. You remind me I'm not alone, we're a family now and God is guiding us. So on your 54th birthday, I pray that the greatest of God's gifts fall upon you with such abundance that they overtake you. That laughter and joy forever more flow from your heart. And every time you set your hands to a task, rest assured God will prosper it. Wherever you walk you will be blessed and highly favored and I will be by your side. 

Enjoy this birthday, Blue Eyes, because you deserve it! Here's to years of taking on whatever comes our way, loving without boundaries, and never letting life or people stop us from reaching our divine destinies. 

Your loving wife, 

Maria

Our Journey: Unexpected Detours

Today I am beginning a series titled "Our Journey". It is intended to chronicle the lessons learned when Eddie and I found ourselves upon an unexpected life detour called Squamous Cell Carcinoma - a form of throat cancer. 

Life Detours

No one is immune to life detours. They arrive without warning and bring challenges that appear bigger than you and I. They impact multiple areas of our lives - mind, body, spirit, finances, even our peace. And although it feels as though they are intended to destroy us they are not. 

Detours catch you and I off guard but they never surprise God. He knew they were coming and designed how they would change us for the better. When you face detours with the right heart and mindset you can be certain God will make you wiser, stronger, and more humble of heart when all is said and done. 

Exit The Fast Lane

In order for a detour to truly change you, you have to exit the superhighway of life. That is the fast paced, always busy life we live on a normal basis. The one centered around a career, kids, meet-ups with friends, and community involvement. Where the hours are long and the quiet moments almost nonexistent. It's impossible to be fully changed if you remain in the fast lane, so God sends us down a side road. Think of it like a country road. The pace slower, views more captivating, and you actually can hear yourself think and your heart has time to feel emotions.

It's here that God begins to change us. His voice is heard more clearly and we see His hands moving through every area of our life. Such as a divine appointment with the right person at the right time to inspire and strengthen you on a day when you are down. Side roads are the perfect place to spend hours talking with God and meditating on His promises. The bible teaches us that faith to conqueror mountains begins by hearing the Word of God. Without it, how would you or I know what promises He gave us or how to use those promises to fight back in the tough times. We are intended to be warriors, victors - not victims. 

The Light On Our Path

God is pretty amazing when it comes to understanding what you and I are capable of managing. If He told us "A detour arrives tomorrow. It'll last 12 months. Here's a video of every tough challenge you will face. Starting with the bad medical report, the adverse reaction you will have to a portion of your treatment, the amount of money you will pay out that will leave you worrying about your future. Oh and here's the days when you'll be short with one another. Leaving you to feel as though you are totally alone. But don't worry - you're gonna make it to the other side.", you and I would crumble and fall apart. We would utterly be overwhelmed. 

So in God's infinite wisdom He does the exact opposite. He shows us just enough to get through the days right before us. It's like walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night using your cell phone as a light. You can't see everything around you. But you definitely know where to step next without hurting yourself, so step by step you make it there and back. 

Lessons Learned on the Journey

Recently God taught me something I will never forget. Up until this point, I always thought the best plan of attack for a detour was to pray about the solution you needed, such as "Father God, heal my husband. Make this cancer go away NOW". But in actuality, the best approach is to understand that all life challenges are momentary. They have a beginning, a middle, and an end. God brings solutions at the exact moment they are intended to arrive. 

Our greatest role in a life detour is to understand that there are amazing life lessons to learn on the journey to our solution. Don't focus only on the solution because it will assuredly arrive. Focus on every day in between. Just like the cell phone light - look for what is just a step before you, nothing more. There you will find life changing, character building, heart inspiring moments. There you will find the next level to the skills and talents God needs you to have to live out your divine destiny. 

Eddie and I are uncertain of the twists and turns ahead of us. All we need to know for now is that God has already made it clear He is with us. We have love for one another and we have endless family and friends who are by our side as we take this journey. Our only prayer is that we not miss a single lesson God intended for us to learn. We will be stronger, wiser, and more humble of heart when this life detour comes to an end. 

PAPER: My First Anniversary Gift

My husband, Eddie, asked me what I wanted for our first anniversary. "As in a gift?", I asked. "Exactly", he replied. I struggled with the question because frankly nothing came to mind, so I answered by saying "I am good. I don't think I need a gift". I know...there's a million people out there saying "You kidding me, you couldn't think of one single thing?!?" But the fact of the mater is I was looking at the question from a materialistic perspective. Another piece of jewelry or a new outfit - anything along those lines. But I really didn't feel drawn to any of them. 

As we hung up the phone, I sat there wondering why did those things not mean something to me. It's not like they haven't at other points in my life. My thoughts quickly shifted to the last few years and all that has occurred. Like a rewind of a movie where you relive the pain, growth, and change. That's when I found the answer. 

SEASONS OF LIFE
Each season of our life adds another layer to the others and to the foundation of our soul. For me, I've been in a season of simplicity. Hours spent wondering what truly matters in life and realizing it isn't found in things. Instead it's found in people, laughter, love, crying alone or with someone who's in pain. It's walks, talks, holding hands, and kisses. 

For a number of months I had a vision about a quick trip I wanted to take to cross-off a bucket list item. However, I was waiting for something very particular to occur. Knowing that when it did it would be cause for celebration. 

WAIT....what did I just say? A celebratory event! Wouldn't an anniversary classify as a celebratory event? Sometimes I think we think of things and put them in a box related to how we presume they should play-out or be used. But in doing so we lose the opportunity to take that small idea and let it grow in other ways, which frankly may end up being an even grander idea than our original vision. 

DREAM GIFTS ARE MAGICAL
I quickly phoned Eddie to announce "I know what I want my gift to be!" See, I have a short list of pastors I enjoy watching on television but I'd love to hear them preach in person. 

• Creflo Dollar, World Changers Church
• Joyce Meyers
• Joel Osteen, Lakewood Church
• Joseph Prince
• Priscilla Shirer

"Would you take me to Houston to see Joel Osteen as my anniversary gift?", I asked. I couldn't image a more perfect gift. A weekend away for two and being filled spiritually by a man of God. "Of course, my love", he replied. 

We found an amazing hotel - Hotel Alessandra - that opened its doors barely a month ago. Everything was perfect - service, ambiance, furnishings, food and beverage - all of it done to perfection. They even worked with Eddie to have the most amazing rose bouquet waiting in the room when we arrived. Each rose had the outer two layers gentle rolled back to expand the beauty of the flower. I'd never seen anything like it. It was breathtaking and inspiring especially knowing it was created with me in mind. It reminded me of God and the beauty of the world around us. 

We filled the weekend with strolls through the Greenstreet district, which is simply gorgeous, long talks, hand holding, and sweet kisses. It was exactly what my dream called for, actually it was better. 

A Lakewood Adventure

As I rose Sunday morning, I felt a strange darkness surround me. I knew what it was because I've experienced it before. It's the enemy. He knows you are about to do something that will grow your faith, change your life and strengthen your bound with God so he attacks your mind. Those are the moments when you have to push forward and say "I don't care how I feel. I'm going. There must be something amazing about to happen for Satan to desire to stop me" and I was right. 

From the music to the sermons given by both Joel and Victoria Osteen it was amazing and stirred my soul with the presence of God. When we entered the church we must have had that "I have no idea where to go" look because a gentleman quickly approached us. After announcing we were visiting from SA he provided us with an escort. She was a kind and friendly soul who made us feel welcomed as she told us about the church and what we could expect from the experience, including having the opportunity to meet Joel after the service. She guided us down to the floor just rows away from the stage and with a 50-yard view. I was as giddy as a school girl and found it hard not to keep telling Eddie "Thank you for making this dream come true!". 

After the service we walked to the visitors reception. As we stood waiting to meet Joel, Eddie went off and purchased Joel's newest book Blessed in the Darkness. "You can have him sign it", Eddie stated. Just like that the final gift of the weekend was given...a book made of paper, which is the traditional gift you give your spouse on your first anniversary. 

BLESSED IN THE DARKNESS

These last two years haven't been the easiest for Eddie and I. Instead, they have been filled with so much craziness like I have never experienced before. But by the grace of God, we have been given the gift of drawing closer together instead of further apart. We have seen the power love can have when storms swirl about you. We have seen the beauty of what it means to be blessed in the darkness.

For many the word simplicity denotes a life lacking excitement, meaning, and purpose. But I have found simplicity means being able to see and feel the beauty of the world around you. Something often missed by others because they are looking for the "BIG" moments. Yet, with simplicity you find great satisfaction and peace...you find true love that God alone can offer. 

To God - I thank you for the blessings in the darkness. 

To Eddie - I thank you for being my forever husband whose gentle heart inspires and moves me in the most beautiful of ways. 

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